Pasadena.

Police today are still looking for a missing flock of Ducks last seen prior to Friday's Rose Bowl game. The Ducks were last seen crossing Rosemont Avenue headed to the bowl game. At the time of their disappearance they were being led into the stadium by a group of West Coast sportswriters that said something to the effect that the Ducks were going to win by just showing up, and predicted they would run over, under, and around some big slow thugs from the Midwest. The celebratory party had already started according to their pre-game predictions and the writers and broadcasters were leading the parade.

Eyewitness reports from the scene indicate the Ducks were ambushed by something fast moving and powerful that blasted right through them scattering feathers, beaks, and webbed feet everywhere up and down Rosemont and even over to Colorado Ave. The Rose Bowl turf was littered with the carnage. Accounts differ. Some claim it was a fast moving freight train. Others say no, it was a red semi-truck. A few thought it was a missile strike, but that was quickly discounted. "There is no way it could have been an aerial attack," went the prevailing thinking.

There is agreement that what ever it was, the driver was an elderly gentleman with a Santa Clause smile and dressed in a scarlet and gray sweater vest. All agreed though that the scene of the ambush was a bloody mess. Fortunately the demise of the Ducks was in the end, quick and painless. Most experts agree they never knew what hit them.

The West Coast Writers and broadcasters did survive and are looking back in awe at what happened. So fast one wrote. Totally unexpected another. Out of character said a third. The ESPN analysts were last seen looking for the scarlet and gray driver, hoping to get an interview and jump on his bandwagon.

Stay tuned for any further breaking news.